I'm a Model

I dont always feel ugly. I was chosen to model for my friends photography work. Too cool. I was very happy with the pictures. Here are a few to show you.

Oh the Beard!

So because of my PCOS I happen to grow hair in horrid places, mainly my chin. And as my mum didn't want me to be sad about this, she bought me swarovski crystal twizzers. I found this to be incredibly funny, so I thought I would share this on here! :)

Fun wkend!!

After being so down from the stress of university work and the irregular period (grr) I got to travel to Chichester to see my Best friend Emma! I swear this girl means everything to me. She is my rock in life and keeps me smiling always. We had many fun times down South and I got to watch her last ever performance at her Uni. She was amazing ofcourse!
Seeing Emma always makes my troubles go away and I feel like we are our 12 year old selves again!

Thanks Ems for being the best person I know and always remaining positive! <3 xx

I'm praying - ACNAMINO will be my cure.

I'm into my second day of my new drug. Acnamino is an antibiotic for my skin. I'm praying my skin will finally look the way a 22 year olds should.
I have had spots since I was 9 years old and although I hated it as a teen I always thought one day it would pass. It's only recently that I realised that its never gonna go and then being diagnosed with PCOS I gave up all hope of having flawless skin and going outside with out makeup on. But after visiting the Doctors repeatedly I am now hoping that this will do the trick. It will take a good few months, but who knows on my 23rd bday I may be the flawless babe I always wanted to be.
I want to point out in this post that I know looks arn't everything. I have been watching 'Katie: My beautiful Friends' on Channel 4 (A show about disfigurements) and I feel so stupid to moan and complain and be depressed by spots. But I believe we all have a goal in life when it comes to looks and my skin for me is very important! I would love to just go outside with out all this foundation on and feel confidence in myself. I'm praying! Fingers crossed :)

PCOS Diet Book by Colette Harris

PCOS Diet Book is my new Bible. Colette Harris is not only a genius but, as a woman that goes through PCOS herself, has made me become more aware of the future life I could have; good and bad. I'm only on chapter 2 atm and still I really recommend it to PCOS sufferers. Its my new best friend.

So far I have managed to find out about diabetes, weight issues, heart disease, infertility, bad skin and one thing that stuck out to me that I did not know; hair loss. I malt everywhere and my housemates always complain, well now I have a reason to snap back lol!

It is awful that diet is a big part of helping my PCOS as I love my food and I'm bitter that I cannot eat what I want to. None the less, I take great comfort in this book, not only for my looks but for my future health or family plans.

If you are a PCOS sufferer I truely recommend you type this baby on Amazon and get one NOW!

xxx

A new beginning

I decided it's time to start accepting what’s happened to me. So here it is.

About 4 months ago I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic ovary syndrome. It was a massive blow to my life. You wonder why me, at the time and become in denial over it all. It’s only now that I have realised how selfish I have been, not only to myself but to the rest of the world and the disasters in it (mine doesn't compare).

I guess it's all about being normal. I want to look like the beautiful girls and want to feel like them. I think what can upset me the most in this stage of PCOS is that I know under it all, under the bad skin, excess weight, facial and body hair, I am a beautiful girl. Frustrating is the only way to describe it. I have two very beautiful housemates. One is Chinese with skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom, we joke that she is like a hairless cat; she seems to never need to shave. The other is a mixed race beauty, with a waist to die for and hair so full and wavy. I mean come on... You can’t help but be frustrated over that. I on the other hand am a white, chubby, spotty, hairy woman. I mean it’s not all bad. I am not meaning to sound big headed in anyway (and trust me I’m not) but I’m still quite pretty. I doubt myself to much because of my symptoms.

But I don't want you all to think, that I only care about looks, my future is important to me...

Growing up I always said I would never want children. I was known for it. Other childhood friends would discuss baby names and what gender they would want but I was always career crazy. I planned my future in a very different way. I traded in babies and marriage for a well paid job and the sense of girl power. However while in my second year of University, I realised something... I'm a family person all the way and not making my own seems awful and lonely. It was then sitting on a couch in my student house I decided I would want to make a new family. I wanted love, marriage, children, a big family and nothing was gonna stop me. My friends joke that I cursed the idea of children in my life. Never wanting them, and then wanting them, then finding out I couldn’t because of my PCOS. Of course there is the chance to have them, but I worry now of miscarrying or the long, struggling process with my future husband to have them. Quite frankly IT SUCKS! I’m now finishing my 3rd year if Uni and I have decided it’s time to grow up, look after myself and accept that I am going to have to do things different in life then the average Jo.

So here it is. My life laid on the line for you all. I hope you find it interesting, supportive, funny, sad.... Beautiful!

Thank you and please follow me xxx