I decided it's time to start accepting what’s happened to me. So here it is.
About 4 months ago I was diagnosed with PCOS - Polycystic ovary syndrome. It was a massive blow to my life. You wonder why me, at the time and become in denial over it all. It’s only now that I have realised how selfish I have been, not only to myself but to the rest of the world and the disasters in it (mine doesn't compare).
I guess it's all about being normal. I want to look like the beautiful girls and want to feel like them. I think what can upset me the most in this stage of PCOS is that I know under it all, under the bad skin, excess weight, facial and body hair, I am a beautiful girl. Frustrating is the only way to describe it. I have two very beautiful housemates. One is Chinese with skin as smooth as a baby’s bottom, we joke that she is like a hairless cat; she seems to never need to shave. The other is a mixed race beauty, with a waist to die for and hair so full and wavy. I mean come on... You can’t help but be frustrated over that. I on the other hand am a white, chubby, spotty, hairy woman. I mean it’s not all bad. I am not meaning to sound big headed in anyway (and trust me I’m not) but I’m still quite pretty. I doubt myself to much because of my symptoms.
But I don't want you all to think, that I only care about looks, my future is important to me...
Growing up I always said I would never want children. I was known for it. Other childhood friends would discuss baby names and what gender they would want but I was always career crazy. I planned my future in a very different way. I traded in babies and marriage for a well paid job and the sense of girl power. However while in my second year of University, I realised something... I'm a family person all the way and not making my own seems awful and lonely. It was then sitting on a couch in my student house I decided I would want to make a new family. I wanted love, marriage, children, a big family and nothing was gonna stop me. My friends joke that I cursed the idea of children in my life. Never wanting them, and then wanting them, then finding out I couldn’t because of my PCOS. Of course there is the chance to have them, but I worry now of miscarrying or the long, struggling process with my future husband to have them. Quite frankly IT SUCKS! I’m now finishing my 3rd year if Uni and I have decided it’s time to grow up, look after myself and accept that I am going to have to do things different in life then the average Jo.
So here it is. My life laid on the line for you all. I hope you find it interesting, supportive, funny, sad.... Beautiful!
Thank you and please follow me xxx
